Eating disorder recovery is tough. Don't you dare give up
Here’s why and how you can keep on going!
Eating disorders are indiscriminate and they can come out of anywhere. Anorexia is not a fad diet as no consciously chosen diet would take you to the point of organ failure, but instead, a biological disorder caused by physical biochemical changes. Binge eating is not simple comfort eating but an addiction caused by imbalances in neurotransmitters affecting satiety signals and impulse. Both are life altering and can be life threatening and recovery, or at least a stable remission, is possible and 100% achievable. I was 24 when I first got adult anorexia, and everyone always said, “out of all the people I suspected would get anorexia, I never thought it would be you. You were too…well, normal” and I never quite knew what they meant by this. At the time I was a strong, grounded, nerdy academic, independent professional and a sporty athlete, running marathons and half marathons and I was happy and it was the anorexia that stole my joy and ruined my life for a while, restricting it and souring it. I have recovered, or at least am in remission from it, and now use the skills I learnt in mindfulness and yoga, CBT, DBT, Biochemistry, Physiology, Neuroscience and Nutrition to help others get to this point too and give people their love back for food and themselves in the way I learnt to.
My path to recovery, was not linear. It was like a heart’s ECG wave, peaks and troughs, the sum of lapses and relapses, restriction and binges and broken promises and a lot of unnecessary drama and regret and learning, but through my struggles I have come out stronger, a better version of myself. My anorexia started when as an Athletics and marathon runner, I developed Athletes Triad, which combined with a very busy and chaotic life, career anxiety and future path indecision, personal insecurities, and chronic insomnia, to send me spiralling down to the bottom of a deep ocean of eating disorders. My heart nearly stopped, and I recovered thanks to my attitude, an amazing hospital and the epic support of my “good eggs”, the fantastic family and friends who I owe everything to from my parents and granny, sunshine aunts and uncles, beloved siblings and cousins, yoga and Zumba and running pals, pen-pals and house mother. Despite recovering in 2018 and celebrating surfing style on a Cornish beach, last year, a loving relationship break-up, lockdown and Covid19 career uncertainty, sent me spiralling once again into anxiety and I used anorexia and binges as a coping mechanism for this, becoming obsessed again with what I ate in time of challenge, as a way of finding calm in all the chaos around me. However, I got back on track and rebalanced, and am once again at peace with my food and body. If a remarkably average, unremarkable fool like me can do it, so can you! Eating disorders from anorexia to obesity are life threatening. They can damage your heart, liver and gastrointestinal system, your fertility and can demineralise your bones causing osteoporosis and osteoarthritis and so you have no choice but to keep on fighting them. From my A&E ward of anorexics, I am the only one still here and for that I am eternally grateful and is why my life’s mission is now to help save lives and end this madness. Not recovering means you are wasting your health and life and the potential for incredible adventure and joy.
Don’t you dare give up! Here is how you can fight and win!
1. Rewire your brain:
They say in neuroscience that “those that fire together, wire together,” and they are right. If you want to overcome an eating disorder you have to identify your triggers and stop the stimulus to response, feeling to thought to behaviour (CBT), pathway by rewiring it. If you usually eat less or overexercise or find yourself binge eating when stressed, find a new coping mechanism for the feeling of stress or fear or anxiety or whatever triggers you. Journal your thoughts and mine your mind for the origins of your anxieties and learn to notice and observe the thoughts, non- judgementally and to accept them for what they are, just feelings and thoughts and try and stop them leading to eating disordered behaviours. This mindfulness model can help you to separate food and feelings and rewire your brain.
2. Self-sooth
Once you have identified and accepted the feelings and thoughts behind your eating disorder, you must try to replace the eating disordered behaviour with another. Brain-rewiring requires a plastic (malleable) brain which is not stressed as when stressed or anxious our brains prioritise our brain Amygdala to trigger the “Flight or fight” sympathetic nervous system, run away from predators mode which is inflexible and unable to learn. We need to shift from this mode to the “Rest and Digest” parasympathetic nervous system mode to be able to think rationally and creatively and find solutions and rewire. If you used to count calories as a way of feeling calmed by anxious feelings, or used to deal with depressed feelings with self-harming binges at night, you must try to identify these feelings and learn to self-sooth in these moments. Separate the food and feelings by distracting yourself. Eat three balanced and nourishing meals with all food groups (carbohydrate, protein, vegetables, and fats) and have three satisfying snacks, and then get away from food. Do things you enjoy. Go for a walk-in nature, do some yoga, turn your room “Swedish style Hygge” into a soothing sanctuary and light fragrant candles and have soothing hot drinks, enjoy soft comfy clothes and pillows and relax. Or watch a great movie, see friends, join an art class, or make some jewellery or learn a musical instrument. Sing or listen to great music. Do anything that will mindfully “engage the senses” from seeing pretty things, hearing great sounds, smelling great smells, feeling comfortable and secure and spending time with kind people who increase the pleasure “Serotonin” neurotransmitter or love “Oxytocin” neurotransmitter in your brain. Turn the negative feelings into positive ones without the emotional crutch of an eating disorder maladaptive coping mechanism (restricting food, purging or bingeing). Challenge the behaviour and break the eating disorder cycles.
3. Reach out:
There is no shame in getting help. I would not be here without the amazing care I received in mindfulness, CBT, and counselling and the love of my “good egg” friends and family who keep me sane. I was so lucky. I found some methods less useful than others and some therapists made things worse, but overall, each method taught me something and helped me in some way, and now I use these skills to help others. I would suggest trying everything you can (there are resources available, a lot of mine were online, and they were amazing as well and all of the resources I got were through the NHS), until you find what works for you. If you are not ready to speak to a professional, start by reaching out to a friend. The first step is the hardest, but you can do it. I believe in you.
Eating disorders can leave your body damaged, restricting you or overwhelming you the way you restrict or binge on food. The past is history and all we have is the present and future. Do this for you and your future. You can do it! Come on people.
WE GOT THIS. DON’T YOU DARE GIVE UP!!!
